Describe the month in one word: Disruption. I really can’t think of another word to describe it: COVID-19, the closing of schools, not being able to see our parents, Mike still working, and me trying to continue my work with three kids in tow. It quite frankly has all been disruptive. It is ironic that my last two posts were praising my new routines because those no longer exist. The first week with the kids at home I was in survival mode, but the second week was much better. We are settling into a very, very different routine of school in the morning, playing outside, lunch, and then screens/work for me in the afternoon. I am also getting myself as far ahead as possible on the weekends. Saturday is now my main work day.

Happiest memory: Sitting on my bed, nursing Sean, and watching the big kids play in the backyard. I am grateful for my big bedroom window that allows me to watch my children play. I am also enjoying playing worship music in the mornings.

How I am feeling: Good at the moment, but that feeling ebbs and flows. There has been a lot of emotions: fear, joy, gratitude. When all this started, mid-month, my first feeling was fear: fear of death, fear of my family getting sick, fear of them dying, fear of our medical system collapsing, fear of people dying alone in isolation, fear of not being able to get all my work done, while taking care of the kids. But then I talked to my husband. He isn’t afraid of any of this. He isn’t afraid of dying (he nearly did last year). He isn’t afraid of losing people he loves (he has done that before too). He is only afraid of one thing: Not living. More specifically, not living the life God has called him to. In a weird way, his perspective has given me hope. Perhaps I will write more on that at a different time.

With all that being said, let’s move on to my Q1 goals—and how I did (or, quite frankly, didn’t do)!

Read a daily devotion: This did not happen daily. It did happen all of January and most of February. However, I stopped completely somewhere in the middle of March. Instead of waking up early to do my devotion, I wanted to sleep in and snuggle with my kids. Although, as I mentioned earlier, I did replace this time with morning worship. So I would still consider this a win.

Get outside daily: Pretty similar to the goal above, it did happen all of January and most of February. I only get outside now when it is nice out. However, the reason I set this goal was to force myself out in winter in order to hopefully help with any postpartum depression and anxiety—and it worked. Even with everything going on, I haven’t felt too much depression or anxiety, at least not any more than I would typically have.

Monthly Dates with Mike: Yes (if you count in home dates, which I do)! Finally, I achieved one. In January, we went out to breakfast/lunch together the day after his birthday. We had Sean in tow, but the baby was sleeping the whole time. In February, we did our traditional in-home lobster tail Valentine’s Day dinner. In March, we went on a couple of running dates, just the two of us, before all the COVID-19 stuff got crazy.

One solo date with Maggie and Matthew: This one makes me want to cry. I did do dates with Maggie. The most notable and unique one is we went to an indoor carnival in February. I did not do a date with Matthew (sob). I had one planned in February—to go see trains at the arboretum. But I was very sick that day (mastitis, I think). So my mom took him instead. My mom said he had a great time, so that makes me happy. Matthew and I did do solo grocery and Target runs. I am not sure that counts. Although on one of the Target trips, we did spend quite a bit of time looking at books for fun. (My backup date idea before COVID-19 was a trip to the library or Barnes and Noble, which of course isn’t going to happen right now). I might still attempt a one-on-one bike ride with him sometime soon because we both really enjoy that.

Celebrate Sean Milestones: Yes! I have been taking pictures each month and journaling how the month went in an effort to help the memories stay fresh in my mind.

Update pictures throughout house: Not necessarily throughout the house, but we have a new picture frame with multiple pictures in our bedroom and new pictures on our fridge. Happiness! I didn’t realize this had happened this quarter until I just reminded myself of it.

Blog weekly: Nope. Not even close. Technically, I had blogs go up weekly for work, but I meant more personal blogs on this site. It just wasn’t as big of a priority as some other projects I had going on.

Start working out again: Yes! And then no, meaning I started working out again at the end of February. I joined our local FIT4MOM run club. It was going great. The first week the kids were home from school I didn’t work out at all. Now, I am slowly starting to run again and do some other workouts.

Anyway, that is my thoughts for this month. There is still a lot going through my head right now. Perhaps I will write more about that later.